The thoughts and ramblings of a restless man

Well it is a quarter after three in the morning and I just can’t get to sleep.  I don’t want to take tylenol pm’s for three nights in a row so I guess I just have to ride it out and hope that I eventually get some sleep.  Since I’m here in Morris, I can’t just wait to fall asleep and then sleep all day.  Grandma will have me awake by 9 am.  I think part of it is her punishing me for not having an actual job and the rest of it is that she can’t stand people sleeping during the day.  I think she considers it the biggest sin in the world to be asleep when the sun is shining.

I just got done writing an email to my old friend Mark Watson.  I haven’t seen him since I was a groomsman in his wedding which would have been the night of the Meeting of the Minds show in Highland with Bobby Heenan.  It was why I showed up wearing a tuxedo that night.  The fans gave me crap saying it was prom or something but it was my buddy’s wedding.  I hope the old email address that I had on him is still good.  He was doing missionary work for the church last I was in contact with him but he quit that job because it was volunteer work and he wasn’t getting enough donations from his friends.  I would send him a little something every month but I couldn’t afford much.  I have no idea what he is doing now but I’m sure it is something involving work with a church.

I watched Jeopardy this afternoon and one of the categories was “Quotes from the Godfather movies.”  The only question I missed was this “Never hate blank because it affects your judgement.”   The answer was “your enemies.”  It is no wonder that I missed that one because I don’t follow that theory.  Maybe I should because my hatred definitely affects my judgement.  I think that I’m far too old to learn new tricks however.   Besides, what would be my purpose on earth if it weren’t for my angry, bitter, fuck everyone tirades?  Sometimes I think that is all I got.

I sent out a message to a friend of mine from high school, the one that rejected me when I asked her to prom, saying that we should do something the next time she was in town and I was here.  She responded with saying that she would be in Morris this Saturday and would be available for grabbing some “grub”.  While it would definitely not be a date, it would be fun to actually have something to do on a Saturday night that I’m home.   There is no good television on on Saturday nights.  We’ll see how it plays out.  If the sky falls or a massive natural disaster strikes the earth, you’ll know that I went out on the town and came out of my hermit cave while in Morris.  I take no responsibility for any damage that may occur.  It could be good for me…like taking a time machine back to 1994.  I wasn’t quite so miserable.  I still had an ounce or two of confidence in myself.  I wasn’t as full of hate.  I think I might have actually smiled once or twice for no apparent reason.  Unfortunately, I’m not Dr. Samuel Beckett and it won’t be an actual leap home so I won’t be able to right the wrongs of 1994 and make things better.  So I guess Morris’ Class of 94 will always have the f’n loss to Marian Catholic for the second year in a row hanging over our heads by deciding to play on Saturday night instead of the usual Friday and having the fricking rain storm from hell to contend with.  But I digress.  Too many tangents and no one really cares.  I must try not to hate my enemies and let the past go.  Everyone can stop laughing, I was only kidding.

Since no one is online to chat with, I guess I will turn on videos on VH1 and do some cleaning in my room.  Yep that is how bored and restless that I am.

Cleaning is done…McDonalds breakfast has been eaten and I’m chatting with Maniwa.   So I will leave everyone with the lyrics to two of my favorite new songs out right now:

First is Gary Allan saying how “Life Ain’t Always Beautiful”

Life aint always beautiful
Sometimes it’s just plain hard
Life can knock you down, it can break your heart

Life aint always beautiful
You think you’re on your way
And it’s just a dead end road at the end of the day

But the struggles make you stronger
And the changes make you wise
And happiness has its own way of takin it’s sweet time

CHORUS
No, life aint always beautiful
Tears will fall sometimes
Life aint always beautiful
But it’s a beautiful ride

Life aint always beautiful
Some days I miss your smile
I get tired of walkin all these lonely miles

And I wish for just one minute
I could see your pretty face
Guess I can dream, but life don’t work that way

But the struggles make me stronger
And the changes make me wise
And happiness has its own way of takin it’s sweet time

No, life aint always beautiful
But i know i’ll be fine
Hey, life aint always beautiful
But it’s a beautiful ride
What a beautiful ride

And the other favorite right now comes from the Dixie Chicks who like me are “Not Ready To Make Nice”

Forgive, sounds good.
Forget, I’m not sure I could.
They say time heals everything,
But I’m still waiting

I’m through, with doubt,
There’s nothing left for me to figure out,
I’ve paid a price, and i’ll keep paying

I’m not ready to make nice,
I’m not ready to back down,
I’m still mad as hell
And I don’t have time
To go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is
You think I should

I know you said
Why can’t you just get over it,
It turned my whole world around
and i kind of like it

I made by bed, and I sleep like a baby,
With no regrets and I don’t mind saying,
It’s a sad sad story
That a mother will teach her daughter
that she ought to hate a perfect stranger.
And how in the world
Can the words that I said
Send somebody so over the edge
That they’d write me a letter
Saying that I better shut up and sing
Or my life will be over

I’m not ready to make nice,
I’m not ready to back down,
I’m still mad as hell
And I don’t have time
To go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is
You think I should

I’m not ready to make nice,
I’m not ready to back down,
I’m still mad as hell
And I don’t have time
To go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is
You think I should

Forgive, sounds good.
Forget, I’m not sure I could.
They say time heals everything,
But I’m still waiting


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