What a day

What a day

I won’t go into full details about the happenings of today but lets just say that it was not a good day.  It started with a phone call that brought bad news and just went downhill from there.  David and Mickie went to Chikara at the ECW Arena (go ahead and sue me Vince…fuck you and the horse you rode in on).  Ian and myself stayed behind at his grandma’s while all the bad stuff was dealt with.

I try to pride myself on being a man of my word.  When I say that I’m going to do something, I generally do it.  The stuff that occurred today on two fronts got me to thinking about my mom and dad.

I made my mom two promises before she died.  I promised her that I would finish school and I promised her that I would find someone to love me like she loved my dad and that I would make her a grandmother even though she wouldn’t be around to see it.  My dad asked me to make the same promises to him before he died so that I would fulfill the promises that I made to my mom.

I finished school.  I hated college and didn’t want to finish but I gave my word and by God I did it.

As Meatloaf once sang, “two out of three ain’t bad”, well I hope that one out of two ain’t bad either. I feel that it is total failure on my part but I’m my harshest critic.

I won’t get into details and air people’s dirty laundry but I will just say that I can empathize with someone today that isn’t one of my favorite people on the planet but he worked his way off my shit list and won a little bit of respect from me.  I won’t say that I agree with his feelings and such but I can definitely understand the frustration, anger, depression and hatred for everything.  Hopefully things work out better for him.

It has done pretty much nothing but rain since getting out here to Baltimore.  It has cost us two ball games at Camden Yards as we decided we didn’t want to sit in the rain.

I went to the Arena on Friday night to watch PWU.  Trent Acid needs to shut up.  He was cutting a promo and I turned to Mickie and David and said “I swear to God that if I hear ‘juuuunior’ one more” and before I could even finish the sentence he had said it four more times.  I was ready to beat my head against the wall to dull the pain.  As soon as Ian and Corp finished, I went to the car.

In the last update, I had talked about how I felt the “itch” coming back for me to reestablish my name and my legacy and spread the word of my name.  I usually put up an away message when I’m in Louisville and on Ian’s computer that basically says “this isn’t Ian…it is Jim Fannin and I’m checking my mail.”  I figure it lets people know that I’m not Ian so don’t im me thinking that I am.  AOL members can just put the arrow on Ian’s screenname and see what my away message reads.  The other night right before leaving to come to Philly and Baltimore, I got an im that popped up after I signed off and it simply said “Who the fuck is Jim Fannin?”

1) I love how some wrestling fans have the decorum and class of a third rate bum.  Who the fuck are you?  And who in the hell sends an im like that and expects to get a respectable answer in return?

2) It made me realize that I have no legacy and no name recognition.  People don’t know who I am and they probably shouldn’t.  So why come back to solidfy that?

3) After listening to some conversations today, it sure would be nice to know that I have made a name for myself and accomplished something to solidfy in my mind that I made the right choice in getting involved in wrestling instead of pursuing my college degree or doing something else.

My tylenol pm’s are starting to kick in because I hardly slept at all last night just thinking about things and torturing myself about my failures and shortcomings.  I should get back upstairs and go to sleep.

Until next time…


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