Well this has been an ongoing issue this week and hopefully for the most part it has finished. I spent most of the week at home and it seemed that every time I turned around, I was getting a lecture from my grandma about the different ways I was wasting my life. I will try to cover all of them and give my comments and reactions to them. This could turn very negative and brutal so if you have a weak stomach, you may not want to proceed.

When am I actually going to spend time at home and do the things that needs to be done? I admit that I’m not home very often and that I spend a lot of time on the road. However, I am home 1000 times more often now then I was while I was in college and living in Louisville so she should be happy about that.

When am I going to get a legitimate job? This was one of the first lectures. Actually it was a mini-lecture because it ties into a main one that I will eventually get into. Basically she wants to know when I am going to wise up and get out of wrestling and get a 9 to 5 40 hour a week job again. I have nothing against the fine people that do that. I did that for five years at UPS and Home Depot. I don’t ever want that again though. I’m not the biggest people person in the world and I am comfortable in my surroundings at wrestling. I know the guys. They know me. When I feel up to mingling and socializing, I can. If not, no big deal really because there is plenty of other guys around for everyone else to socialize with. A new job means new people and I don’t want that. I don’t want to be doing the same thing over and over over again. That is why I got tired of managing of late and couldn’t wait to get out of that. Now if someone wants to hire me to work at a bank and be around money all day, I might think about it.

When am I going to settle down and get married and start a family of my own? What the hell was I doing the two years I was with Shaina? That was my goal. That was my dream. That is what I wanted. It didn’t work out. What the hell have I been trying to accomplish with “Rachel” these last several months? To get an opportunity to have a chance to win her over and have someone to keep me from being alone the remainder of my life. I wasn’t successful on either count. In 28 years, Shaina is the only one that I’ve loved that loved me in return and in the end it didn’t work. I’ve struck out miserably with the other women that I’ve asked so obviously I’m not cut out for this. Hey that’s the breaks. You can’t have everything in life and in some cases you can’t have anything. Sure it would be nice but who the hell am I kidding? I’m not in the ballgame anymore cause you can’t win when you can’t get off the bench.

When am I going to stop doing things for other people and trying to buy their love and focus on doing for me? I’m not trying to buy anyone’s love. I do for the people that I love. It is that simple. They’ve earned their way into my inner circle and the one thing that I’m good for is that I do things for my friends. If I didn’t do that, I’d have no purpose. I give Shaina back the air conditioner that I bought for her when we were living together and somehow that makes me a bad person. I give “Rachel” a trunk to keep her personal things in because I didn’t need it and it was taking up space and yet I’m letting people run over me. One of my grandma’s usual lectures is that I buy too much garbage that I don’t need and that it takes up too much room. I get rid of a couple of things that I have sitting around collecting dust and give them to friends and somehow it is wrong. Besides, I do for myself plenty of times. Hell I buy too much garbage and take up too much room with the stuff I buy for myself in order to do things for myself. My whole life is pretty selfish when you think about it.

Now for the major lecture – do I realize that at my current pace I’ll be broke by the time I’m 40? Well quite frankly, I hope I’m dead by that time. I hate the world now at 28. In 12 more years, I’d hate to see how more bitter, angry and pissed off I would be and mostly at myself. So I’ll keep the hamburgers coming. I’ll keep the quick temper and the constant anger to keep up the blood pressure and the stress. I’ll keep challenging people to duels at exit 95 until one of them shoots me. Seriously though, while I don’t wish to die, I don’t fear dying. When my time is up, there will be plenty of good things to come of it. I’d get to see my mom, dad, grandpa and everyone else I’ve known that has passed away again. My friends will be taken care of by my insurance policies and if I’m not broke by then, by the rest of my investments. But anyway, does it really matter if I spend the money now on having fun or if I wait until the end of my life to spend it? If I don’t spend the money now and leave it for everyone when I’m gone, wouldn’t that not be doing for me but for others?

That about sums it up for the grandma lectures for now. This update in no way means that I have anything but love in my heart for my grandma. She is just looking out for me and wants everything in my life to be perfect. There is nothing that she loves more in this world than me and this is her way of protecting me and doing for me.

Good Day.