1. The Bella Twins – Don’t Spend Too Much Time Wearing Pants.

Cause You’re Only Out There To Show Your Ass Anyway.

2. Randy Orton  Forget Past Mistakes and Press on to Greater Mistakes

You Have A Fresh Set Of Wellness Strikes To Get

3. Curtis Axel  Don’t Waste Time Learning

Just ride the coattails of a famous father (“Mr. Perfect” Curt Hennig) to get ahead.

4. Daniel Bryan Take Every Disappointment As A Reason To Give Up

If you can’t beat ’em… Join ’em (The Wyatt Family).

5. CM Punk Don’t Let Anything Get In the Way… Of eating an entire pint of ice cream in one sitting.

How many ice cream bars are in a pint?

6. Rikishi  Take A Walk Everyday.. Or at least consider it.

They won’t let you do old school RAW with your kids if audience mistakes you for Yokozuna

7, Tons Of Funk   Stop Being Afraid of What could Go Wrong… And just focus… on butts.

Don’t worry Brodus as long as you stay feuding OVER the Funkadactyls, you’ll still have a job.

8. Zack Ryder  See The World… with the magic of the internet.

It’s Ok Zack, You May Not Be Good Enough To Actually Be Used But You Can See The World With WWE On Twitter, Facebook and WWE.COM

9, John Cena and Nikki Bella  Hold Someone’s Hand At Sunset.. JK That’s Dumb

Anyone Actually See This Relationship Ending In Happily Ever After?

10. Kevin Nash  Spend More Time Doing What Really Matters (Watching Netflix)

It’s The Only Thing Kevin Nash Can Do Anymore Without Pulling His Hamstring

11. The Big Show   Maybe Gain 5 Pounds

When you’re “The Giant” What’s five more pounds?

12. Zeb Colter   It’s Never Too Late To Forget A Foreign Language You Only Vaguely Learned In High School

As Zeb Colter Would Say…This Is America And Dammit We Speak English Here!

13. Jack Swagger Read More Books -NO- Take Out Menus

Start Dumb Jocks Off Slow On Learning To Read

14. Antonio Del Rio  This Year I Will Live Up To My Potential Professionally And Hey Look A Shiny Object

I’ll eventually show that I deserve these title runs

15. Ric Flair  Something Something Saving Money

If anyone needs to resolve to save money and get out of debt it is The Nature Boy 🙁

16. Eva Marie  Stop Making Resolutions. Just Get Out There And Start Eating Cheese

Rats Eat Cheese

 

Here’s to a new year… to 2014. Let’s hope the WWE wrestlers are able to keep their realistic New Year’s resolutions. Cheers. Good Day.