This is going to be an incredibly long update with lots o’ pictures. I hope that it will be an entertaining read for everyone.

Sunday Stacy and I left DeKalb and headed towards Midway in order to check in early and get “A” status for boarding on Monday night. We had Southwest Vacations which meant paper tickets instead of e tickets so we had to check in in person instead of on the internet. We get to Midway and up to the counter 6 minutes before we could check in so we had to wait and then ended up being #1 and #2 checking in!!! We decide to celebrate by going to Giordanos

right up the street from the airport. I had never been there but I can’t wait to go back. That place was awesome!

Stacy went to work out on Monday morning so she wouldn’t have to go to a gym out in Vegas. We then took off early so we could get to the airport in plenty of time and pick up some Subway to take onto the plane. Traffic did not allow for this though. 88 was a parking lot. Why? I still don’t know. People just don’t know how to freaking merge and drive through construction. We end up getting to the airport without time to stop at Subway. We get to the gate and there is already a line but we have “A” boarding so no worries. We get sandwiches from Potbelly and head to the gate. We decide that we should get extra food so we can eat right away (it was 6:00 and we hadn’t ate all day) and then have more for towards the end of the flight. I go back to Potbelly’s and they screw up the order by forgetting my sandwich and having to go back and make it. By the time I push the 50 year old walking like his funeral was awaiting him out of my way and get back to the gate…they had already started boarding. The bitch working for Southwest then let every single “B” and “C” person board before us and then gave us attitude because we didn’t have our paper tickets right on the boarding pass. That is her fcking job and yes a complaint for her piss poor attitude will be sent to Southwest. So we are like last onto the plane even though we went through the problem of driving there a day early to check in for “A”. We don’t get to sit next to each other on the plane either. The last people on the plane is a mother with her 3 year old kid and there isn’t two seats together. The stewardesses ask someone to move in order to let the mother sit with her 3 year old kid. No one will move. The pilot then gets on the loud speaker and announces that the plane will not leave until someone gives up a seat and allows the mother/child to sit together. An engaged couple then offer to split up and give up their seats. It takes 30 seconds for someone to give up their seat for the engaged couple to sit together. Unbelievable.

We land around 8:30 Vegas time and the pilot announces that the temperature is 105 degrees. At 8:30 at night. Fck that. I was dying within seconds of getting off the plane. The shuttle driver on the way to the rental car place said that it was going to be 114-116 all week in Vegas and for us to make sure we never go outside without a water bottle. Good grief. We get our small rental car and head for the strip and our hotel. Parking lot in the street but at least we had a/c and good sights to look at. 11 pm and it was still 100 degrees outside. Gah. We check into the hotel and go to bed.
Tuesday morning we meet up with Stacy’s friends, Jamie and Gary, and start walking around Vegas…starting temperature 107. Here is some pictures of walking in the desert heat:

And inside the humongous Coke store:

Then next door:

Yes four floors of M&M’s shirts, watches, glasses and candy. Seeing is believing. Gary never wants to see another M&M in his life.

We then go to the “best buffet in Vegas” at the Planet Hollywood ($20 a person for lunch!) and I gorge myself to get my money’s worth. We then walk around the Planet Hollywood’s mall type area of a mile of stores. They had the worlds largest Hawaiian shirt…400XL:

We then head back out into the 113 degree heat and walk some more…we hit up MGM Grand. They actually have live lions in there:

I then decide to live dangerously and bet $15 on the Cubs and Carlos Zambrano to beat the Nationals. The guy then talks me into doing a parlay and I bet $10 on the Cubs and Padres (Greg Maddux) winning:

I win the $15 bet on the Cubs which paid $7.50 since the Cubs were such heavy favorites. Greg Maddux blows the lead in the 7th inning and the Padres lose so I lose the $10 parlay bet and end up losing a total of $2.50 on my gambling experience. I guess the Dogs Playing Poker shirt with the Tracy Smothers undershirt was not the good luck I was hoping for.

Back outside in the heat and across the street to New York New York:

Yes it has its own roller coaster…for $14 a person per ride. No word on whether a hooker gives you a handjob for that price.

Speaking of hookers, every five steps you take while walking the Vegas Strip, a Mexican is trying to hand you business cards for all these hookers. I decided to be a good friend and try to help out Sox. So here is my travel gift for my good buddy Sox who needs some help with the ladies:

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Anyways, back to New York New York. On the bridgeway from MGM to NY NY, you can also see The Excalibur:

Then you end up seeing this piece of work on the way down from the bridgeway:

I don’t give a damn about the FDNY. I honestly don’t. 9/11 was almost 6 years ago. I stopped caring about the FDNY on 9/12 almost 6 years ago. It was a tragedy and I hope that Bin Laden dies a horrific death for it. I don’t need to have memorials to it thrown in my face 6 years later on the other side of the country however. That lets those cocklicks know that they are still getting to us. Don’t give them any publicity what so ever…just show them dying on the news in Iraq and Afghanistan…the terrorists that is. Getting off my soap box now.

We then head back towards the Imperial Palace for a nap. We did walk from New York to Paris after all:

They had a wonderful fountain outside Paris that we decided to take pictures with:

Here’s Gary and Jamie:

We get back to Imperial Palace and rest because we had just walked 10 miles in 107-115 degree heat (and we were notified that that is just the temperature in the shade…as you could tell from the pictures…no shade!)

We then go to:

because they have $50 free slot play and other gimmicks to get people to come in. Stacy, Gary and Jamie play the $50 free and then some of their own money. Stacy turned $7 into $20 on the penny slots. I spent my time watching them and constantly checking the Cubs and Padres scores. No slot machines for me even though my grandma gave me a dollar for her and a dollar for my Aunt Faye. Those two dollars stayed with me the whole trip.

We then just walked around the Strip at night to see the lights and did some more walking through expensive stores:

The Venetian was very nice. It had the Phantom of the Opera playing there but we didn’t go. Hopefully Stacy and I will catch it in Chicago later this year when it comes.

We closed down the shops in there though as I found a great place that sold Snoopy posters and paintings. The paintings were $4500 but the posters were more my speed and we found the perfect one for me…Road Rage Snoopy!!!!!

We continued to walk around the Venetian a little bit…they had this mural on the ceiling:

Stacy and I expired though and just went back to the IP around 11 pm and called it a night.

Wednesday started rough. I was going to bet the Cubs game again but when I went down to the Sports Book at the IP at 9:30 am, the game was already in the 3rd inning!!!! Fcking Pacific time zone…but it saved me because Rich Hill sucks balls and got beat like a mule by the Nationals.

We then celebrate the 4th of July by walking around the strip in the 114 degree heat. We saw the fountain show at the Bellagio:

We make it back to the MGM Grand and eat at the Rainforest Cafe for lunch. We continue to walk around for and hit up Caesar’s Palace and the Bellagio…here is pictures from the CP:

Then the Bellagio:

I said the Bellagio so stop thinking it is a sneak peak at the Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory 2 movie.

In either the CP or Bellagio..can’t remember which one…we went into an FAO Schwartz store and I saw the craziest thing ever. An $800 stuffed animal cow!

Then I started to leave and I saw an even crazier thing…a $1200 stuffed animal moose.

And if you think I’m lying:

I then saw a Rolex watch for $54,550!!!! Good god.

Time to go back to the hotel and rest a little. Then time to go to supper. I suggest Toby Keith’s I Love This Bar & Grill at Harrah’s.

In TK’s song, “I Love This Bar”, there is a line that says “and they drink their beer in a mason jar mmmmm mmmmm mmmm I love this bar.” Well:

They serve their tea in a mason jar as well.

Great times were had by all and then we parted ways. Stacy and I then decided to take in this show:

Burlesque X

It was alright. The comedy of Pudgy stole the show. The naked women were very skinny and very flat. It might have been great for some but not quite what Stacy and I were hoping for to say the least.

The heat then had beaten us to the bone. I actually threw up that night and Stacy felt like crap too. Word of warning to the wise…walking between 20-25 miles in weather that never gets below 95 and gets as high as 116 all in the shade is just not good on a body in 2 days.

We were in bed once again by midnight. We never made it past midnight any of the three nights in Vegas. It sucks to get old ladies and gents.

We didn’t do much on Thursday. We ate at a Cheeseburger place in Planet Hollywood that had a Hawaiian theme and then went to the airport. We got A boarding again and this time we camped out at the line and were second onto the plane after the pre boarders and got second row.

Overall, it was a great trip and hopefully no one went blind from all the pictures.

BTW…just in case you missed it Brian…I’m your hook up:

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