Memories of my dad

I am a little late writing this update because I was traveling when it should have been written but here it is a little late.

Tuesday February 28th was 10 years to the day of the death of my dad.  I finally got out to the cemetary this morning with my grandma.

My dad was the toughest, bravest, most stubborn man I have ever known.  The doctors told him his entire life that he would never see the age of 20.  He had hemophilia and in the hills of eastern Kentucky they didn’t have experienced doctors to deal with that kind of ailment back then.  His younger brother was also born with hemophilia.  The doctors advised my grandparents to move to a bigger city like Chicago if they wanted my dad and uncle to receive proper medical care.  They moved to Morris and my dad decided that he was going to live like he wouldn’t make it to 20 and do whatever the hell he wanted.

After he married my mom and they had me, he settled down.  Then when I was 3 years old, he had his accident at work that left him paralyzed from the waist down and in a wheelchair the rest of his life.

He fought hemophilia and paralysis from that day forward and never complained about his situation even after he got sick and knew he was going to die.  He just dealt with it and took life as it came at him.  I have no idea how he had enough fight in him to make it to 49.  I know that if I were in his shoes I never would have made it.  I guess most of my hatred for the world and life in general stems from the difficulties that my dad had to face everyday.  He was stubborn and never gave up the fight.  I inherited a lot of his stubborness even though I use mine in different fashions.

Most of my fond memories with my dad revolve around watching television together because there really wasn’t much else that we could do as father and son.  We couldn’t play catch or go camping or do other routine father/son events.  We had the Cubs, the Bears, Dallas, wrestling and All in the Family.  I will always remember how every Saturday morning and night that my dad and I would watch wrestling and he would always say the same thing to me:  “I would hit that son of a bitch in the knee with a hammer.”  That was his answer for everything.  Now some of you can understand why I was the way that I was as a manager.

My grandma asked me if I was okay when we left the cemetary this morning and she sounded just like my dad when she said “life has dealt us a lot of crap but you have to take it.”  Yes and unfortunately, some of us have to take a helluva lot more than others.  At that point all I could think about was when my grandma called me while I was at UK and told me that I had to come home in a hurry.  I dropped out of that semester and headed home.  Thank God I made it home in time by a few hours.  She wanted me to go to college closer to home so I would be home more for my dad.  I was stubborn though and insisted on going to University of Kentucky.  I would hate to think about what I’d be like if I didn’t make it home in time.

I know that I haven’t fulfilled the one wish that my mom and my dad had for me before they died.  They had several hopes and dreams for me but when they got sick and knew that they wouldn’t live long enough to see me achieve those hopes and dreams, they decided on one wish for me.  Hopefully the fact that I haven’t fulfilled it and probably never will doesn’t mean that they are disappointed in me as they look in on me.

I will end this update by posting my favorite picture of me and my dad.  It goes back to a time before our lives got forever changed.  Before the accident.  Before my parents got sick.  Before I realized that I hate the world and the world hates me right back.  Before I realized that the world was going to win that fight.

image gone 🙁

I love you and miss you everyday Dad.  You were and are my hero.  Thanks for being the best dad that you could be and preparing me for life.  Hopefully one day I will get to see you again.






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