I hate Valentine’s Day

I made a private entry out of this update so now I am making an edited Friends-only version of it as well.

Well I tried to go to bed around 9:30 tonight and now it is after 11. I keep having bad memories run through my mind tonight. It hasn’t been this bad in months but I guess with Valentine’s Day a couple of weeks away, they will start back up again. I’m really going to hate Valentine’s Day this year. It never used to really bother me because I never had celebrated one so it didn’t really matter in the scheme of things. I guess it was the old “you don’t know what you are missing since you never experienced it” theory. Then I met Shaina and actually got to experience what I had been missing out on for the first 25 years of my life. Even though last year’s Valentine’s Day was a horrible experience for Shaina and probably put one of the final nails in the coffin for me, it was still better than being alone at least for me.

Tonight I’ve been thinking of all the ways in which I was a boring, suffocating, stubborn ass and ruined the relationship with Shaina. I couldn’t change who I was even for the woman that I loved. Hooray for me.

The only good to come of tonight’s nightmares is the fact that my heart finally realizes what my brain has been trying to tell it for the past month. Don’t wish the boredom of my life onto “Rachel” or anyone else for that matter. Shaina deserved better. “Rachel” deserves better. Both will end up doing much better.

Ok now that I have vented some frustrations I feel much better now.

Good Day.


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